There are things I cannot forget, that I’d like to… And there are things I only wish I could remember. Every once in a while, I’ll remember a long forgotten someone, that was a part of my life at some point, and shiver. How easy it is to forget. A thought often running through my head is, have you really existed, if nobody remembers you? Perhaps we are all cats chasing after the same mouse. Not happiness, but memories… And the cat is chased by a dog, death and forgetting. It seems that we are afraid of not existing, afraid that our nature is like that of a fairy, or the devil, who only exist because we believe in them.

Is there another breed of cats? Chasing after happiness and comfort instead of impact? Which one is right? What makes life worth living?

I get the feeling that in our culture it is interpersonal relationships. That would theoretically be where the two cats meet and become one. A human, as a social being, sees the biggest, and perhaps the only true value in a fellow human being. Relationships becoming the common point for those seeking happiness and those seeking eternal life in collective memory. It suggests the thought, that life is not worth living if we aren’t of any use or meaning to anyone. Perhaps, all we are really looking for, is acceptance.

The idea, that memories enable us to exist, isn’t so much an idea, as it is a feeling. The feeling of being alone in a crowd, amongst other things. You are physically there, but you are not really there, not for those passing you by. Or being a part of a circle of people, in which you are so different, that the others perceive you as empty space. Not knowing what to do with you, not knowing how to include your thoughts in the general cloud of thoughts, hanging above everybody’s heads. You are an anomaly, the biggest or smallest of values, the one that is excluded from calculations, to not spoil the results.

You don’t exist.

I don’t usually post forwards or e-mails or anything of the sort… But this has roamed into my mailbox for the xyz-th time and I really like the story. :)

A philosophy professor stood before his class with some items on the table in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, about 2″ in diameter.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He then asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous “Yes.”

“Now,” said the professor, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The rocks are the important things - your family, your partner, your health, your children - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter - like your job, your house, your car.

The sand is everything else. The small stuff.”

“If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued “there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal.

Take care of the rocks first - the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”

Why does Christmas come with so much protocol? If you don’t send cards, people resent you. As if sending a post card to someone I see every other day is proof of disdain. I never remember to send cards. I even bring them home from most trips, I’m too absent minded for that. And I don’t really connect Christmas, which is just another day, to all the fuss people make. It’s like the Day of the Dead, or Valentine’s Day. If I don’t think of you on this day, I’m a bad person, but it doesn’t matter if I ignore you all year around. How comforting.

In a household, consisting of an agnostic, a new age spiritualist, an atheist and a 14 y/o, how does “because it’s holy night” make for a valid argument? We have to do xyz cause it’s appropriate? Not cause we’d want to, cause it’d be nice or cause we care, but because that’s what you do on X-mas.

Frustrating.

My sister told me today, that the reason I usually win our arguments, is because of the words I use. She says she needs time to figure out what I said before she can form an answer. Unknowingly, she told me how to always win. I could be talking complete nonsense, as far as she knew, as long as I use big words… Which makes it easier on me, I don’t need to actually have a valid point.

Winter is very good at making you stop looking at the forest and start looking at the trees. When coming from school, I usually think about something silly. Possible ways to achieve world domination, what the world would look like if people could chose between the real world and “the matrix”, how values and morality would change, the concept of “beauty”, what would be the means of transportation… You know, when in a video game you go through a portal and come out somewhere completely different? If it was just a matter of transporting your consciousness to another place, it would make things a lot faster. Not to mention there would be no concept of “space” as such. And what about universal consciousness? A library of all knowledge, an internal Google of sorts… All these things and more, are the main reasons why I rarely hear when someone’s shouting after me.

I noticed that winter changes my goals. My life’s goal is no longer knowing everything fun and interesting, I forget about world domination, feeling cornered by consumerism, about what using only 10% of your brain really means, if there are ways to change that, the gap between religion and science, etc.

When introduced with 50m of ice-covered sidewalk to cross, my main priority and concern becomes getting to the other end, without falling down. Life’s elegant metaphor, that demonstrates how taking things one step at the time, is what leads to the big picture.

I’ve blogged about Kreslin’s concerts on several previous occasions. It’s one of those few musical experiences you don’t get sick of easily. The music, the lyrics and his voice are… Well, for lack of a better word, timeless. One of his recent shows, that I attended, even has a video online. You can see it here, it opens an external media player, so don’t get scared. :) The most recent one however, I attended yesterday. It was held in Cankarjev dom, which is pretty much one of the fanciest places to hold a concert. People come all dressed up and then they sit still through the entire show. It’s quite an effort for me, to sit still and silent at a Kreslin concert… Lastie was having the same problem. It’s worth it for the sound though, everybody being quiet has it’s perks. :)

The show was great, as always. I wouldn’t change the set list, even though I do miss some songs, as usual. :) I have the misfortune of falling for the songs that aren’t played on every concert. Zvezdice Bele (Stars of White) and Pikapolonica (Ladybird) being the perfect examples. On the other hand, one of the other most loved songs of his is O, Vrba [eng] [youtube], a sonnet by France Prešeren, put into music. I feel a rush of childlike joy on every concert, if I hear the first few notes of any of those songs. And to be honest, the joy is not limited to the previously mentioned three. :)

The part of the show I’ll remember for a long time was their second encore. They came back on stage and started playing Od Višine Se Zvrti (Dizzy From the Height) and the entire hall was standing up and singing along. In Cankarjev dom. Priceless. :)

There’s all sorts of lines. Some aren’t meant to be crossed… These were drawn.

There is just something beautiful about autumn. From start to finish… First the colours go from green to yellow, from yellow to orange, then to red and brown.

There’s a hill above my school that offers a breathtaking view. Especially in the early morning or around noon, when the day is really clear. There’s dark green spruces and brown almost leafless trees. I love autumn colours. The trees, the leaves, the blue autumn sky…

And another thing, autumn is an excuse for me to wear the best scarf in the whole wide world. My grandma ftw.

I’m not much for modern poetry most of the time. There are exceptions, of course, but I am more attracted to the old than the new. However, Rives is a modern author, whose poems I love. Discovered on the internet, as most other things, and you should most definitely go and read. [x] If you don’t, a sad little girl will come wake you up in 7 days, and tell you that the production of chocolate on the planet came to a permanent stop.

Either way. My favourite ones are Compliment, Kite and Glaucoma.

He describes things in such a way, that you feel almost like you’re standing right next to him. In the flood of bad emo/goth/alter poetry, it’s such a relaxing feeling to read something good. Seriously.